Thoughts of a therapist
About feeling behind in life
What if you’re not behind, but just on your own rhythm?
It’s a Saturday morning.
I’m sitting at my kitchen table, looking out the window. The new apartment building across the street has just been finished. I see the first residents arriving.
In the corner apartment, a couple is walking around. They’re exploring the terrace, their dog (I’m guessing a border collie) happily following them. There’s a little child too, probably around two years old. A moving truck pulls up. I watch beautiful chairs being brought upstairs, my dream kitchen chairs.
This could have been me, I think. The man, the child, the dog and the chairs. I’m turning thirty this year. It could have been me.
Around me, people are settling down. One engagement after another. Friends are having their first, sometimes second, child. Cousins with houses and families of their own.
That feeling of falling behind in life sometimes hits out of nowhere. Where does that even come from? Is it something society expects of us? A silent norm we’ve all absorbed? And more importantly, how do you deal with it?
In my work as a therapist, I often see clients struggling with the same thing. The sense that they’re not on track. The idea that they’re late, without really knowing what they’re late for. Singles are receiving yet another save-the-date while barely making it past the talking stage. People in happy relationships who keep getting asked: “So, when are you moving in together? Any engagement plans?” While they’re still trying to figure out if this is the right city, the right job, the right direction.
Maybe we sometimes forget that life unfolds at its own pace. That not everything has to happen all at once. Some people find their place, their person, their path at twenty-five. Others years later. Not having something today doesn’t mean it’ll never come your way. We often measure our lives against someone else’s timeline. As if there’s one universal schedule we’re all supposed to follow. But what if it’s perfectly okay to want things later, or to receive them later? To live your life your way. Whether that’s a conscious choice or something you’re still figuring out. Just like in nature, not everything blooms at the same time. We, too, live on our own timeline.
I finish my coffee and glance one more time at the apartment across the street. Maybe it’s not about being ahead or behind. My timeline might look different from that of the average 29-year-old. But that doesn’t make it any less meaningful. Maybe things won’t come all at once or exactly when I want them to, but they’ll come when the time is right.
Do you ever struggle with this feeling, too? How do you cope with it? If this resonates with you, if you’re navigating similar questions, doubts, or longings, know that you’re not alone. And if you’re looking for a safe space to explore your own rhythm, you’re welcome to reach out.
Written by Aster Peters